First of all, Valerie is a beautiful person
ANDREW STEPHEN HONG KONG
Valerie and I met in January 2005, at a function in
Hong Kong. We spoke only for a few minutes, and
although we exchanged phone numbers that night,
we didn’t meet again for a few days.
Valerie played hard to get, and I then had to go to
Chicago on a business trip. I phoned her on the
night of her birthday, although I didn’t know it was
her birthday at that time.
We agreed to meet again in Hong Kong, and then,
after Valerie had returned to Manila, we met there.
The first few months were both exciting and difficult
for us both, as we both learned about each other,
learned to live with each other, and learned to love
each other.
We come from different cultures, different societies,
and much of what we knew and took for granted,
was strange and new to the other.
It is very interesting and challenging to find out from
another person you can trust and who trusts you,
that some of what you have learned – the
conditioning that your culture imposes on you – can
be examined, modified and changed.
So on top of the usual finding out about each other,
the usual falling in love, we had to cope with some
fundamental changes in outlook and perception.
But it was hugely educational for us both. I
remember the first time Valerie came with me to
Scotland to visit my mother.
There were so many aspects to my home country.
Its people, its practices, that I took as normal. And
to see them through the eyes of a newcomer, who
looked at them so inquisitively, was a new
experience for me too.
And I felt similarly about the Philippines. I had lived
in Manila for a few months in 2001 – we often
wonder if we saw each other in the street or in a
mall then – but to experience the Philippines with
Valerie made it seem as if it was the first time for
me.
Which brings me to the question, ‘How did I know
that this was love?’”
There are of course many answers to this. First of
all, Valerie is the most beautiful person, inside and
out, that I have ever seen.
But also for me there were, and still are, so many
moments and occasions with Valerie that feel as if
I’m experiencing them for the first time.
Some of them are literally for the first time – I
remember that after a year or so we had our first
big argument, and I traveled to manila on a Friday
night to try and put things right.
I got a taxi to Valerie’s house, and we talked and
talked, without really getting anywhere. It was
frustrating, difficult and frightening for us both, and
at one point I felt I had to go for a walk. Valerie
came to the door with me, not really knowing what
would happen next.
As I went to leave, the heavens opened and it
poured with rain, as it does only in the Philippines.
We looked at each other and I asked Valerie to walk
with me.
She did, and within seconds we were soaked
through, but we walked and walked, without saying
anything. I’m sure we were both crying with the
emotion of the whole evening, although our faces
were so wet from the rain that neither of us could
tell.
By the time we returned home, our argument had
long gone.
That was my first, deliberate walk in the rain.
Even today, most of our misunderstandings come
from cultural and social differences.
Valerie’s Filipino culture teaches her to be
spontaneous, and to live for the moment. My
Scottish culture teaches me to be measured, and
to plan for the future.
Perhaps the best approach lies somewhere in the
middle.
What’s the recipe for success in our marriage?
Understanding, love, caring, sharing, and most of
all trust.
ANDREW STEPHEN HONG KONG
Valerie and I met in January 2005, at a function in
Hong Kong. We spoke only for a few minutes, and
although we exchanged phone numbers that night,
we didn’t meet again for a few days.
Valerie played hard to get, and I then had to go to
Chicago on a business trip. I phoned her on the
night of her birthday, although I didn’t know it was
her birthday at that time.
We agreed to meet again in Hong Kong, and then,
after Valerie had returned to Manila, we met there.
The first few months were both exciting and difficult
for us both, as we both learned about each other,
learned to live with each other, and learned to love
each other.
We come from different cultures, different societies,
and much of what we knew and took for granted,
was strange and new to the other.
It is very interesting and challenging to find out from
another person you can trust and who trusts you,
that some of what you have learned – the
conditioning that your culture imposes on you – can
be examined, modified and changed.
So on top of the usual finding out about each other,
the usual falling in love, we had to cope with some
fundamental changes in outlook and perception.
But it was hugely educational for us both. I
remember the first time Valerie came with me to
Scotland to visit my mother.
There were so many aspects to my home country.
Its people, its practices, that I took as normal. And
to see them through the eyes of a newcomer, who
looked at them so inquisitively, was a new
experience for me too.
And I felt similarly about the Philippines. I had lived
in Manila for a few months in 2001 – we often
wonder if we saw each other in the street or in a
mall then – but to experience the Philippines with
Valerie made it seem as if it was the first time for
me.
Which brings me to the question, ‘How did I know
that this was love?’”
There are of course many answers to this. First of
all, Valerie is the most beautiful person, inside and
out, that I have ever seen.
But also for me there were, and still are, so many
moments and occasions with Valerie that feel as if
I’m experiencing them for the first time.
Some of them are literally for the first time – I
remember that after a year or so we had our first
big argument, and I traveled to manila on a Friday
night to try and put things right.
I got a taxi to Valerie’s house, and we talked and
talked, without really getting anywhere. It was
frustrating, difficult and frightening for us both, and
at one point I felt I had to go for a walk. Valerie
came to the door with me, not really knowing what
would happen next.
As I went to leave, the heavens opened and it
poured with rain, as it does only in the Philippines.
We looked at each other and I asked Valerie to walk
with me.
She did, and within seconds we were soaked
through, but we walked and walked, without saying
anything. I’m sure we were both crying with the
emotion of the whole evening, although our faces
were so wet from the rain that neither of us could
tell.
By the time we returned home, our argument had
long gone.
That was my first, deliberate walk in the rain.
Even today, most of our misunderstandings come
from cultural and social differences.
Valerie’s Filipino culture teaches her to be
spontaneous, and to live for the moment. My
Scottish culture teaches me to be measured, and
to plan for the future.
Perhaps the best approach lies somewhere in the
middle.
What’s the recipe for success in our marriage?
Understanding, love, caring, sharing, and most of
all trust.
The first few
months were both
exciting and difficult
for us both, as we
both learned about
each other, learned
to live with each
other, and learned
to love each other
months were both
exciting and difficult
for us both, as we
both learned about
each other, learned
to live with each
other, and learned
to love each other
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How did I know it was love? I just knew
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We asked three
couples in mixed
marriages how they
met, what they
remember most about
that meeting and what
makes the relationship
work.
More than we
imagined, we got a
candid, personal
portrait from each one,
a treasure chest of
heartwarming,
sometimes amusing
anecdotes that prove,
once and for all, that
cultural differences
aside, love unites us.
Mike Raath is a senior
sub-editor on the
South China Morning
Post in Hong Kong
while Levinia used to
work with the defunct
Hong Kong Press
Club.
Andrew Stephen is the
Hong Kong general
manager of United
Airlines. Valerie
Badilla is an executive
at a travel services
company.
Jim and Rhodora
Kahny are both
academics based in
the United States.
couples in mixed
marriages how they
met, what they
remember most about
that meeting and what
makes the relationship
work.
More than we
imagined, we got a
candid, personal
portrait from each one,
a treasure chest of
heartwarming,
sometimes amusing
anecdotes that prove,
once and for all, that
cultural differences
aside, love unites us.
Mike Raath is a senior
sub-editor on the
South China Morning
Post in Hong Kong
while Levinia used to
work with the defunct
Hong Kong Press
Club.
Andrew Stephen is the
Hong Kong general
manager of United
Airlines. Valerie
Badilla is an executive
at a travel services
company.
Jim and Rhodora
Kahny are both
academics based in
the United States.
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VALENTINE SPECIAL
