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ALAN C ROBLES

They already have violence over there

MANILA

This month, Filipinos are getting a chance to choose
their national and local leaders in the midterm
elections.

Did I say “this month”? I meant “sometime this year.”
While the election was held on May 14, nobody really
knows when the counting will finish.

It’s all part of the mystery and excitement that go into
the extravaganza called “Philippine election.”
Other countries divide their elections into a few parts:
selection of candidates, the campaign, election day,
counting, proclamation of winners.

Our system, more sophisticated, consists of the
following phases: selection of candidates, murder of
candidates, pre-campaign violence, the campaign,
more murder, election day, election day cheating, even
more murder, counting (allow three to four months),
more cheating, declaration of winners, protests,
investigations, protests against investigators.

It’s entirely possible that by the time the dust settles,
preparations for the next election will be starting.
If a typical election is dirty, inefficient and violent, why
do Filipinos take the whole thing so seriously?

I have a few guesses. One is, it’s probably the only
time we get to see politicians grovel. Usually, all we do
is breathe their fumes as their heavily escorted
vehicles zoom past us, or watch at the airport as their
family and 16 pieces of luggage are instantly waved
through by customs.

During this election campaign, one senatorial
candidate actually compared himself to a green and
leafy vegetable. It doesn’t get any better than that.

Of course, he was probably just confirming
widespread suspicions, but even then, he’s shown the
way. With the vegetable barrier broken, how long can it
be before a candidate likens himself to garden
manure?

A second reason is that while elections are
murderous, most of those being rubbed out are
politicians. I think most Filipinos will find any reduction
in the overall politician population a good thing. Also,
at least for a while, it takes the heat off journalists –
traditionally the most popular assassination targets.

The third reason is that an election provides lots of
weird entertainment. A pre-election police raid on a
Laguna house turned up unlicensed guns, blank
official Commission on Election ballots and bottles of
indelible ink, used for voter fingerprinting, with
“Comelec” stamped on them.

What did the man in the house, a supporter of one
candidate, say? He thought the bottles of ink were
medicine for his diabetes. Comic scriptwriters wouldn’
t dare make this up.

It’s difficult to imagine, but there was a time last
decade that our polls ran so smoothly we even sent
Comelec officials as consultants to other countries. I
think we still can – in Iraq. They already have violence
and murder.

Our experts can teach their candidates how to dress
up as vegetables. And claim indelible ink is medicine.

It’s entirely
possible that
by the time
the dust
settles,
preparations
for the next
election will
be starting.
If a typical
election is
dirty,
inefficient
and violent,
why do
Filipinos take
the whole
thing so
seriously?