Nilda Valmones gives comfort, shelter
LAURA G PEREZ LOS ANGELES
We now know enough about domestic violence to
demand immediate intervention. A push becomes a
punch. A criticism becomes a rabid insult. The
suggestion on what dress to wear becomes an
order. His jealousy becomes paranoia.
Experts warn us that Prozac and therapy will not
solve it. Calling 911 will not end it. Resorting to self-
defense could aggravate it – say, if you push him
during an argument, you are the one likely to get
arrested and charged with assault.
The response to women in distress has been
disappointingly slow and temporary.
Most shelters do not have a space available at the
moment these women call. Nobody will pick them
up from their home. Once they make it to a shelter, a
social worker jots down their complaint, gives them
a case number, and tells them to contact this and
that agency.
After they have told a poker-faced staff about their
life’s most intimate details, they have nowhere else
to go except back to their house where they would
get another blackeye.
Women in abusive relationships in the Philippines
fare worse because of fewer agencies that support
domestic violence victims there. Another barrier to
their emancipation is a male-dominated society
with laws that work in men’s favor. The Philippines
is one of only two countries on earth that does not
allow divorce.
If battered women run to their parents or parish
priest, they will be reminded of their promise to stick
to their spouse for better or for worse, for richer or
poorer, till death do them part.
Nilda Valmores, executive director of My Sister’s
House, one of a few centers for battered women in
Sacramento, is not accepting any excuse for
spouse abuse. She would hear nothing of being
drunk or stoned when it happened.
Graduating cum laude from Loyola Marymount
University with an MA in public administration from
Harvard University, Nilda does not buy the so-called
“cultural aspect” of domestic violence either – that it
is “normal” for certain ethnicities, say Filipinos, to
hurt their wives at some point in their married life.
The general view is that a wife could be largely at
fault to “deserve” a beating.
“It is not normal to beat one’s wife or partner for any
reason at any given time. It doesn’t matter if a man
did it only once. It doesn’t matter if it is merely a
slap, a push or a threat. That is abuse,” she flatly
declares.
A lot of women, especially Asian, do not realize that
they are abused. Mental cruelty, which is a ground
for divorce in the United States, does not strike them
as an issue for their mothers and grandmothers
suffered a lot more from their husbands in their
native country and everyone accepted it with
resignation.
They may complain that their husbands swear at
them, blame and criticize them for every little
mistake, that they do not let them shop alone, go out
with friends and keep their own e-mail and bank
account. But they think men are supposed to be the
head of the household and should therefore call the
shots.
Helping battered women necessitates an extreme
makeover – of their thinking, their beliefs, priorities,
values and goals. They have to be taught to love
themselves more and not allow anyone to put them
down.
Most important of all, victims of domestic violence
need to be empowered in every way. Nilda agrees
that one way of empowering them is to help them
land a job.
However, landing a job can be next to impossible to
aliens who have decided to divorce their American
husbands a few months short of getting their
greencard.
Government and private organizations that claim to
help retrain battered women and get them a job
would only assist American citizens or permanent
residents.
Nilda says that a number of women in abusive
relationships met their partners online.
“They just didn’t give themselves enough time to
know the person thoroughly.”
The United States Citizenship and Immigration
Services reports that mail-order bride and e-mail
correspondence services result in 4,000 to 6,000
marriages between American men and foreign
brides each year.
The Philippines may prohibit the business of
organizing or facilitating marriages between
Filipinas and foreign men with Republic Act 6955 or
the Anti-Mail Order Bride Law but stories of
Filipinas being abused by their foreign husbands
persist.
Survivors of domestic violence cannot overestimate
the value of immediate intervention. Someone has
to take them out of the situation at the crucial
moment. However, the police and social workers
can only do so much while the relief they offer is
short term.
Responding to victims of marital violence should be
the concern of the whole community for lives are at
stake, not only of the women but also of their
children. Consider these statistics:
• Every nine seconds in the United States a woman
is assaulted and beaten.
• Every day, four women are murdered by boyfriends
or husbands.
• Sixty per cent of all battered women are beaten
while they are pregnant.
In homes where domestic violence occurs, children
are abused at a rate 1,500 per cent higher than the
national average.
“In America , people put a higher priority on privacy
than accommodating somebody who’s at the end of
her rope,” says a woman who suffered from years of
marital violence.
“Friends and relatives said they were afraid my ex-
husband would harass them if they took me in.”
Nilda admits: “There are women who need shelter
that we have to refer elsewhere because we are
full. This is largely why the Board would like to open
an additional site,” she said.
Ironically, the amount spent to shelter animals in
the US is reportedly three times the amount spent to
provide emergency shelter to battered women.
LAURA G PEREZ LOS ANGELES
We now know enough about domestic violence to
demand immediate intervention. A push becomes a
punch. A criticism becomes a rabid insult. The
suggestion on what dress to wear becomes an
order. His jealousy becomes paranoia.
Experts warn us that Prozac and therapy will not
solve it. Calling 911 will not end it. Resorting to self-
defense could aggravate it – say, if you push him
during an argument, you are the one likely to get
arrested and charged with assault.
The response to women in distress has been
disappointingly slow and temporary.
Most shelters do not have a space available at the
moment these women call. Nobody will pick them
up from their home. Once they make it to a shelter, a
social worker jots down their complaint, gives them
a case number, and tells them to contact this and
that agency.
After they have told a poker-faced staff about their
life’s most intimate details, they have nowhere else
to go except back to their house where they would
get another blackeye.
Women in abusive relationships in the Philippines
fare worse because of fewer agencies that support
domestic violence victims there. Another barrier to
their emancipation is a male-dominated society
with laws that work in men’s favor. The Philippines
is one of only two countries on earth that does not
allow divorce.
If battered women run to their parents or parish
priest, they will be reminded of their promise to stick
to their spouse for better or for worse, for richer or
poorer, till death do them part.
Nilda Valmores, executive director of My Sister’s
House, one of a few centers for battered women in
Sacramento, is not accepting any excuse for
spouse abuse. She would hear nothing of being
drunk or stoned when it happened.
Graduating cum laude from Loyola Marymount
University with an MA in public administration from
Harvard University, Nilda does not buy the so-called
“cultural aspect” of domestic violence either – that it
is “normal” for certain ethnicities, say Filipinos, to
hurt their wives at some point in their married life.
The general view is that a wife could be largely at
fault to “deserve” a beating.
“It is not normal to beat one’s wife or partner for any
reason at any given time. It doesn’t matter if a man
did it only once. It doesn’t matter if it is merely a
slap, a push or a threat. That is abuse,” she flatly
declares.
A lot of women, especially Asian, do not realize that
they are abused. Mental cruelty, which is a ground
for divorce in the United States, does not strike them
as an issue for their mothers and grandmothers
suffered a lot more from their husbands in their
native country and everyone accepted it with
resignation.
They may complain that their husbands swear at
them, blame and criticize them for every little
mistake, that they do not let them shop alone, go out
with friends and keep their own e-mail and bank
account. But they think men are supposed to be the
head of the household and should therefore call the
shots.
Helping battered women necessitates an extreme
makeover – of their thinking, their beliefs, priorities,
values and goals. They have to be taught to love
themselves more and not allow anyone to put them
down.
Most important of all, victims of domestic violence
need to be empowered in every way. Nilda agrees
that one way of empowering them is to help them
land a job.
However, landing a job can be next to impossible to
aliens who have decided to divorce their American
husbands a few months short of getting their
greencard.
Government and private organizations that claim to
help retrain battered women and get them a job
would only assist American citizens or permanent
residents.
Nilda says that a number of women in abusive
relationships met their partners online.
“They just didn’t give themselves enough time to
know the person thoroughly.”
The United States Citizenship and Immigration
Services reports that mail-order bride and e-mail
correspondence services result in 4,000 to 6,000
marriages between American men and foreign
brides each year.
The Philippines may prohibit the business of
organizing or facilitating marriages between
Filipinas and foreign men with Republic Act 6955 or
the Anti-Mail Order Bride Law but stories of
Filipinas being abused by their foreign husbands
persist.
Survivors of domestic violence cannot overestimate
the value of immediate intervention. Someone has
to take them out of the situation at the crucial
moment. However, the police and social workers
can only do so much while the relief they offer is
short term.
Responding to victims of marital violence should be
the concern of the whole community for lives are at
stake, not only of the women but also of their
children. Consider these statistics:
• Every nine seconds in the United States a woman
is assaulted and beaten.
• Every day, four women are murdered by boyfriends
or husbands.
• Sixty per cent of all battered women are beaten
while they are pregnant.
In homes where domestic violence occurs, children
are abused at a rate 1,500 per cent higher than the
national average.
“In America , people put a higher priority on privacy
than accommodating somebody who’s at the end of
her rope,” says a woman who suffered from years of
marital violence.
“Friends and relatives said they were afraid my ex-
husband would harass them if they took me in.”
Nilda admits: “There are women who need shelter
that we have to refer elsewhere because we are
full. This is largely why the Board would like to open
an additional site,” she said.
Ironically, the amount spent to shelter animals in
the US is reportedly three times the amount spent to
provide emergency shelter to battered women.
In America , people
put a higher priority
on privacy than
accommodating
somebody who’s at
the end of her rope
put a higher priority
on privacy than
accommodating
somebody who’s at
the end of her rope
| All rights reserved. Filipino Globe |
|
Pinay comes to aid of battered US women
search this site
 | |  | |  | |  | |  |
| y o u r w o r l d |
filglobe.com
filipino globe online edition
|
| COMMUNITIES |
|
|
| HEALTH TALK |
Jun Cañete is a
man of many
talents
man of many
talents
HK-based artist
Ferraris breaks
into art scene
in Pennsylvania
Ferraris breaks
into art scene
in Pennsylvania
|
|
|
|
|
| ADLINKS |
BPI Remittance
Center Ltd
Hong Kong
Center Ltd
Hong Kong
AFreight
Door-to-door
Hong Kong
Door-to-door
Hong Kong
|
IN THE NEWS WORLD
